Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
