great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He passed out mid-signature
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
