It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
