I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
