If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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