He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
