swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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