Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Will you blow on my dice?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
