I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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