youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
