Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
