the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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