It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
