oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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