he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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