On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
