it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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