just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
