I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think I just sharted jello shots
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
