I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
