We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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