I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
