I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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