Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
