You can't special order awesome
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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