Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Pooping to opera.
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