the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
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I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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