Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You left your phone here
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