I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
