new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Watching her eat just hurts me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
