He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
