I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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