i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
