Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
