If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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