Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
