omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
