What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Houston, we have a blender
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
