I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize