I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
