I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
