just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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