My nipple is on Facebook.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
