If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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