Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
they're like a gay fantastic four
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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