No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
