Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
