i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
