I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
