be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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