there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
