If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
