Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
