I faked an abortion last night.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
