Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
