So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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