I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
