We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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