I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
