Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
