I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
