the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
