she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I currently don't understand fingers.
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