there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
