Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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