You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
