is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
