OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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